


The Last One Standing

by RoaringAnt



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dolphins, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), M/M, Secret Relationship, i can't even remember what the third chapter is about i'll tag it when i upload it, i'm reposting this from fanfiction from six years ago, liberal rescuing of zoo animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-07
Updated: 2012-05-07
Packaged: 2019-07-18 10:34:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16116620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoaringAnt/pseuds/RoaringAnt
Summary: Tony had never expected to fall for him; it was just a bit of fun. It was just a bit of fun until Loki fell in battle, and everything came crashing down.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I initially posted this on ff.net a number of years ago (six, apparently. I've backdated the publishing date accordingly), but I got a review on it for the first time in ages so I figured it may be time to pull it across. My writing has grown since I initially did this, and admittedly I've moved on from the FrostIron ship, but here it is for you guys anyway~

Loki had always been the last one standing, even when he wasn’t. Even when he had been wounded almost to the point of immobility, even when his pride had once again been shattered, he had always been the victor.

But this time, when the dust cleared, there was something wrong. Something about the way that Thor was cradling his body, Mjolnir cast to the side, discarded and ignored, first lit the fear within Tony.

He flew closer, cautiously landing a few feet away.  
“Thor?” His question was hesitant, refusing to allow himself to glance at the limp figure in the Thor’s arms.  
But the dirty watermarks on Thor’s face were answer enough, a physical blow to Tony’ chest. 

“No.” His whispered words a vehement denial as he fell to his knees beside the pair on the ground. “Loki. Loki look at me. Tell me you’re okay.” 

He reached up and removed his helmet, tossing it to the side as he grabbed the Trickster god from Thor’s limp arms, ignoring the shocked looks that Thor was giving him.

Loki’s eyes fluttered weakly as Tony took in the bloodied wound to the side of his head, the bone slightly crushed, the hair matted.

“Tony?” The voice emanating from Loki’s mouth was weak and hollow. The corners of his lips luscious, full, icy quirked up weakly. “We never expected this, did we?” The laugh that followed that comment was weaker than his words.

“Loki. Don’t. You’re going to be fine, okay?” Tony’s eyes blurred slightly as he finally admitted to himself that his rendezvous with the man in his arms had maybe gotten to him just a little. Hell, they’d even gone on dates! Tony couldn’t remember when it had stopped being ‘just sex’, and had become something more.

Loki’s eyes beautiful emeralds, incomparable widened at Tony’s words. “You too, huh? It wasn’t ‘just’ anything any more was it?” Tony was sure it was blood loss that was making him so honest. He shook his head, hard. This wasn’t Loki. This wasn’t the snarky, sassy god that he’d started to care for so much.

“Where’s your fight, Loki? Nothing’s going to happen. You’re going to be just fine.” Even as he said it, Tony knew it was a lie. And Loki knew it too. Tony could tell by the way he laughed, resonating, like melted chocolate a skeptical laugh.

“I told you I’d take you to meet my children, didn’t I? I’m sorry I’ll have to break my promise. They would have liked you.” Tony felt wetness on his cheeks, memories flooding his mind as he stared at the weak figure in his arms, barely noticing his team surrounding them.

“You did. You will. We’ll go see them together, Loki.” The words were choked as he focused all of his attention on the man in his arms. Tony knew he wasn’t going to be alright. He could feel Loki’s skin cooling as his magic left him, his body reverting to his natural Jotun blue ice, red eyes, piercing, beautiful form.

Again, Loki laughed, his voice lacking the strength that it had always held. “I’m going to die, Tony.” Said man shook his head, a protest already forming on his lips, but the god shook his head slightly, cringing at the pain that the motion brought. “And you’re going to be just fine without me. I’ll watch out for you. I promise. Just stay happy. Promise me you’ll keep going.”

Tony nodded without thinking. Loki didn’t sound like himself any more. He didn’t do emotion. Not unless… And that was when Tony knew. 

“No!” His voice was strangled, his arms shaking as they clenched around Loki’s body. “You were never supposed to die before me. Not ever. You weren’t supposed to die at all.”

The tears were falling freely now, freezing as they hit Loki’s now blue skin. 

“I will get to see my daughter again.” Tony had to lean in close to hear to the words, unwilling to take his eyes from Loki’s face, even as the other’s slipped shut.

Nononononono this can’t be happening don’t do this to me Loki I’ll miss you I can’t go on without you don’t leave me.

“She’s waiting for me, Tony. I promise to watch and guard you.” The words were little more than a breath, and Tony had to put his ear to Loki’s mouth to hear them, clenching his eyes shut as sobs racked his body. “Hela…”

And Loki’s muscles relaxed, his head lolling back in Tony’s arms. And Tony began to wail.

It was unexpected, and his team jumped from where they had been watching him as if he had lost his mind. From where Thor was kneeling in front of him, a brief keening noise registered in his conscious mind. All that he could think of was the loss of something crucial, the knowledge that Loki wouldn’t be there any more but he’d promised to be watching and that there would be no more banter, and no new memories to be made. All Tony wanted to do was join him. Join him and his daughter but he’d promised he’d keep going and it would be so nice to see him again he’d be so disappointed and Tony just knew how much he’d loved the god.

And as he knelt on the ground, the lifeless body of the one he’d grown attached to despite his best intentions and he’d loved him back, Tony knew it wouldn’t be the same again. As his heart poured out of his eyes in salty rivulets, not registering anything but the maelstrom within him, some part of him dimly registered that there would be no more Loki. And that this time, the one time that it had truly mattered, Loki hadn’t been the last one standing.


	2. Chapter 2

They’d been sleeping together for a long time before they went on their first date. Four months, two weeks and five days, but who was counting? And in that time, Loki had managed to get Tony to start eating more, drinking less and sleeping more. Granted that sleeping was generally a result of rather than an influence on their activities. 

It was when Tony began recalling their conversations and contemplating taking Loki someplace nice, that he realized that he might actually care a little. what if he hadn’t slept with anyone else since Loki? It’s difficult to go back to humans once you’ve been sleeping with a god. And so what if Loki had managed to get him to do what none of his other friends had been able to do? One does not deny Loki after he has threatened you. It was pure coincidence that Tony had been having fewer nightmares since hanging around Loki. 

But Tony was in denial. He couldn’t care about Loki. Sure he’d been waging less mischief across the city, and the injuries that he’d caused the team were largely accidental bruises and scratches, but he was still dangerous. He was a fascinating intellectual, and he was interested in the science of everything in this world, and seemed exceptionally fascinated by the animals.

So Tony decided to take him to the zoo.

The night he asked had been especially rough. It was one of those days when Loki’s memories had begun to send him back into the darkness that Tony had been pulling him out of.

“Let me take you out tomorrow. To the zoo. I know our animals interest you.” Tony remembered feeling Loki tense slightly beside him, and he tilted his head slightly to see the god rise up onto his elbow and face him. The expression on his face was one of hesitant confusion and slightly veiled hope.

“The… the zoo? You… you would? Really?” Tony’s eyes widened at the response. He had been anticipating vehement denial, ridicule even. But hopeful anticipation was not on the list.

So Tony, watching Loki wait for him to say ‘Surprise, it’s just a joke!’, he couldn’t help but grin.  
“Of course I would, Loki.”

And the smile that broke across Loki’s face was worth more than Tony could say. He denied it to himself that his stomach fluttered at the sight of it. 

But Loki frowned then. “I’ll have to disguise us. We can’t be seen together. But if I’m disguised, then you have to be too… let’s see how I’ll…” Tony interrupted him with a kiss.   
“Tomorrow. We can discuss this tomorrow.” 

Loki smiled once more, softly this time. It was the second time Tony had ever seen him smile without bitterness, and Tony decided, though he would deny it if ever asked, that he would do anything to make Loki smile just like that. 

 

Morning came sooner for Tony than he would have liked, and he was woken at 7.30am by an excited Loki. 

“What the hell am I doing awake at this hour?” Tony grumbled into his pillow, doing his best to ignore the pokes to his shoulder, that all landed in the same spot. He grimaced slightly. That was going to bruise.

“You’re taking me to the zoo, remember? You promised.” Tony could hear the pout in Loki’s statement, and he grinned into the soft, fluffy heaven that was… gone. His head hit the mattress with a soft thud, and Tony groaned as he rolled over. 

“I know I promised, but really? This early? The zoo only opens at 8.” 

“Yes but then we can spend all day there and I spoke to Jarvis and there are all sorts of shows and we can see all of the animals and not miss a single one and I have the perfect disguises for us!” Loki paused to take a deep breath, and a soft, pink blush spread across his cheeks. “Sorry,” he muttered.

Tony snickered. “I knew you were excited, but it’s nothing to pass out about. Come on.” He sat up, and stepped out of the bed. “Let’s see these disguises of yours.”

Loki nodded, his faced solemn. “Turn around, then.”

The moment Tony did, he felt a soft tingling sensation spreading across his body, and he glanced down at himself. He had been clothed in a white V-neck top, soft blue jeans that looked well worn, and dark blue converses. He turned to his left, to a mirror, and gasped. There was no glow coming from his arc reactor, and he glanced at his chest, pulling the shirt forward, to see that nothing was there. He glanced up again, examining his face. His dark hair was now a light brown, his eyes a clear blue. He was clean-shaven, and, dare he say it, just as gorgeous as his normal self. He grinned. He couldn’t wait to see what Loki had done with himself.

He spun slowly to face Loki, and froze, his mouth falling open. He was gorgeous. And a woman.

His black hair fell to the middle of his back, curling gently at the tips. Long, dark lashes framed his luminous green eyes and his mouth was full and a soft pink. His body was all curves, and he was just as tall as he was in his masculine form. His top was low-cut, tight and just as form fitting as his jeans.

Tony gulped. “You’re going out like that?” He joked weakly. “You’ll steal all my thunder.” 

Loki grinned mischievously, the evil smirk fitting his female face just as well as his male one. “You like what you see?” He teased. 

Tony nodded vigorously. “Most definitely.” He shook his head to distract himself from the thoughts running through his head. “Let’s go, shall we?”

And so Loki grabbed his arm, and teleported them away

 

It was about 3pm before they reached the dolphins. The pair of them had been drawing stares all day, especially when Loki would jump excitedly. Tony would have to concentrate very hard to bring himself back from the land of bouncy. 

He had spared Loki no expense. When she had pointed at ice creams, Tony had bought her one. When she had pointed at souvenirs, Tony had bought her one. When she had mentioned that they were about to miss a display on the other side of the zoo, Tony had grabbed her hand and sprinted to ensure that they reached it on time.

But now they were at the dolphins, and Tony suspected that Loki had been purposefully saving that enclosure for last. They still had about three hours until the zoo closed, and Tony had never seen Loki smile so much. Ever. 

“Dolphins are the only other mammals who have sex for pleasure, you know?” It was one of the few things that Tony knew about dolphins, and he suspected that they wouldn’t share it at the little show that the keepers were about to put on.

“Really?” Loki spun to face him, her eyes wide with intrigue. 

“Yep,” Tony nodded, smirking slightly. “But don’t ask me for more facts, that’s pretty much all I know about ‘em. You’ll learn more at the little show they’re about to put on.” 

Loki nodded and turned her attention to the zoo employee holding a bucket of fish.   
“I wonder what they’re going to…” She broke off with a gasp as the attendant held one of the fish above the water, a lithe body leaping from the water and snapping it out of his hands. “Was that a…?”

“A dolphin, yes. That was a dolphin. Fast little buggers, aren’t they?” Tony’s response was distracted as he sat on the edge of his seat in anticipation. He zoned out as the attendant began blabbing facts about the creatures, instead watching in fascination as they sped about the enclosure. 

He had to admit, they were beautiful. They sped through the water with an easy grace, leaping through the air like dancers. They interacted with each other, and with the humans, like intelligent life force. The way the rubbed against each other, the way they clicked and whistled, seemed to show that they truly understood each other. 

Tony glanced at Loki out of the corner of his eye, smiling softly at the rapt expression on the woman’s face, and was sure that it would be something that he wouldn’t see on his male form. 

They spent the rest of the day at the dolphin enclosure, and Tony watched as Loki fell more and more in love with the creatures, interacting with them as if she understood them.

 

“They feel trapped.” That was Loki’s statement the moment they arrived back at the mansion. “They like it a little, but they don’t have enough room.”

“What?” Tony still hadn’t gotten used to teleportation and was recovering from the whirling within his head. 

“The dolphins, Stark. The dolphins don’t have enough room to have fun!” Tony shook his head at the words coming from Loki’s mouth.

“So… what? You want to free them?” Tony knew the answer before the Trickster spoke.

“Well of course I do, you imbecile.” Tony snorted at the insults, having heard almost nothing except joy coming from the woman’s mouth. 

“This’ll be fun, then.” Tony Stark grinned. “Go make some mischief tonight. I can’t wait.”

Loki responded with a grin as he reverted back to masculine form. “Wait for my call. You’ll know when.” His voice was full of mischief as he vanished, leaving a grinning and expectant Tony behind.

 

Tony was awake when the call for the Avengers came through. 

“What is it this time, Fury? For all you know I could be very busy.” He fought to keep the amusement from his voice, knowing perfectly well just what the call was for.

Fury’s voice, when he responded, was irate and mildly confused. “It would appear, Mr. Stark, that Loki has broken into the Central Zoo. We need you to go check it out. The others won’t be joining you unless you call for it to be necessary. Understood?”

“Sir, yes sir,” Tony mocked the director as he hung up. 

“Jarvis! You know what to do. Prepare the suit.”

‘It’s already prepared, sir,’ came the response. 

“Excellent,” Tony grinned. “Let’s go visit the zoo.”

 

“Loki. It’s been a while.” Tony hovered in the air a few feet from Loki as the god stood contemplating the dolphin enclosure. “You haven’t been up to your usual mischief of late.”

“Oh hello Stark. Yes, I know. I’ve been busy. Would you like to help me with a problem I’m having?” The response was distracted.

“Not especially, no. However, I do believe I’ve been sent to prevent you from wreaking havoc and destruction across the city.”

“Ah. A shame. I had so much planned!” A sweeping motion of his arms accompanied Loki’s teasing words.

Tony watched in astonishment as the water in the enclosure, as well as the dolphins, was lifted into the air.

“What the hell is he doing?” Fury’s voice came through Tony’s speakers as Loki began walking away from the enclosure, a mass of water and seemingly gleeful dolphins floating behind him. 

“Sir, I believe he is… stealing the dolphins?” Captain America’s response was hesitant and completely confused. Tony flew alongside Loki as the other Avengers’ responses to Fury’s question flew through his headpiece. 

“So… what are you planning to do with your floating water park?” Tony asked Loki as the Trickster continued walking away. 

“I plan on releasing the animals into the wild. Saving them, if you will. Would you care to aid me? I don’t especially desire to teleport myself with them, as some harm could come to them.”

“How am I supposed to help you?” Tony asked. “I should, by now, have blasted you. Technically.”

“Ah, yes Mr. Stark. But then the dolphins would be lying on the ground, dying. And you could aid me by carrying me to the nearest ocean. It’s oh so much faster than walking.” Loki was grinning cheekily by now. “They’re such intelligent creatures, dolphins. Endangered, too. We wouldn’t want any harm to come to them, now, would we?”

Tony smirked, and gave a long-suffering sigh. “Fine then. For the dolphins.” He swooped down and picked Loki from the ground, ignoring the shrieks of his teammates through his headphones. “Try anything, and you’re mincemeat.”

“I wouldn’t dare harm the dolphins!” Loki exclaimed, his eyes widening innocently. 

“Good.” Came Tony’s response, as he sped up. They reached the ocean a short time, the pair in silence, Tony’s headpiece screaming with noise until he had Jarvis mute it. 

Upon reaching the empty sandy shores, Tony placed Loki on the ground, unmuting his communication devices as he did so. 

“I trust you can release them safely. Don’t cause mischief.” Tony spoke solemnly, a grin spread across his face.

“I can assure you, Stark, I need no aid in releasing dolphins. Good evening.” With that, Loki dropped the dolphins gently deep out in the ocean, and vanished.

 

“TONY STARK!! WHAT THE HELL WAS HAPPENED THERE?!” Fury was, well, furious. 

“It was the dolphins, sir. I couldn’t herm him without harming the dolphins. They’re an endangered species, you know?” Tony was straight-faced in the path of the director’s wrath, trying not to laugh at the man’s expression.

“You had him in your arms, Stark. You could easily have captured him and brought him to us.”

“He would have teleported away within seconds the moment I had changed my direction, Fury. Now if we’re done here.” Tony got up and walked away, taking flight the moment he could.

Weeks later, he and Loki still laughed about the incident and the expression on Fury’s face.

 

Tony almost reached for the bottles of alcohol he kept around the house. He hadn’t spoken since his conversation with the god, refusing to answer questions. He’d promised Loki, though. He’d promised to keep going. And he wondered if, just maybe, he would be able to laugh again like he had on the day that Loki and freed the dolphins.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all she wrote, folks!!

Tony still hadn’t spoken. He had barely been aware of anything. He had known there had been presences around him, but he had absorbed but a few details. The pad of paper and pen placed in front of him, the blanket around his shoulders, the carpet beneath his feet.

All of them had some link to Loki. The pen had been on Tony’s bedside table the first night. Loki had played with it; teasing and taunting, conscious and subconscious movements. The graceful movements of the god’s fingers, smooth and sure, had mesmerized Tony, and Loki knew it. He had made an effort to play with it every time he had been there, and Tony had made an effort to leave the pen there, just so. It had soon become Tony’s favourite pen He had used it sparsely, but had carried it everywhere. Every night, he had taken it off his person, and left it on his bedside table in the same position that Loki always left it: the same place, the same angle, the same tilt; the logo facing the certain way. It became an unconscious thing, symbolic of the Trickster in more ways than one. 

It mesmerized Tony as the god himself did. The iridescent surface of the pen, patterned in deep greens, tricked his eyes to seem black in certain lights. The ink itself was beautiful; a bright green that was shockingly easy to read. A shade that Tony hadn’t seen before, and had never known existed. When he had first used the pen, in private, he had vowed to not use it in public. It was irrational, he knew, but he wanted no one to share in this piece of beauty that he knew Loki had given to him. It was all his. And now the others knew about it. And it hurt.

The blanket was a deep red, and one of Tony’s most used. Loki had always accused him of being vain when he brought it out, and he would argue that it was his favourite colour. He had had it before he had made the suit, and was one of the reasons he had made the suit the colour it was, as well as the car, of course. Loki would just smile indulgently and snuggle up deeper into the warmth that it provided.

The blanket had taught Tony just how much the god loved to cuddle. On cooler nights, after some time, Loki would grab the blanket himself, drape it over the two of them, curling up against Tony beneath it, more often than not ignoring the movie that was generally in front of them. On many occasions such as those, the blanket and movie would be discarded, Loki’s teasing ministrations getting the best of Tony. Other times, and for some reason the more memorable, Loki would fall asleep curled up against the billionaire. 

Tony would lose track of the movie, staring at the sleeping god’s face, distracted by the peace and calm radiating from the expression: the way his eyelids fluttered, dark lashes highlighting his sharp cheekbones, the way his hair fell across his face, framing the curvature of his brow, sweeping across his eyes, resting oh so softly and gently on his pale neck. Yes, Tony would get distracted. At the time he had thought little of how much Loki had meant to him, and had refused to admit that he was falling in love; both rapidly and gently, so suddenly it was like an explosion, and so slowly he didn’t even notice. 

And the carpet… Loki had loved the carpet, and Tony had never quite understood why. But because Loki had loved it, by default Tony did as well. It was, as the billionaire had rapidly discovered, extraordinarily soft, and Tony could easily remember the day that he and Loki had moved the coffee table off it so that they could just lie on it. Both had spoken a lot and little that day, and the pair had drifted off, curled against one another. 

And now Tony was staring at the pad beneath the pen. It was a think wad of blank paper, and so beautifully white. He just couldn’t figure out why it was there. He could not, however, bring himself to give it much thought. He couldn’t bring himself to feel much of anything but loneliness and longing. He ached for Loki with every fibre of his being, refusing to allow himself to truly face the memories, rather, allowing his thoughts to skim the surfaces of most of them. He just wished that he could talk to Loki. Despite the presence of the other Avengers in the room, constantly moving around the space, all he wanted was Loki. 

His thoughts were all Loki. Loki’s hair, his hands, his eyes, just him. 

And so Tony shrugged off the blanket, reached out his arm, ignoring the mutters that ran about the room, picked up the pad, and began to write.

 

Dear Loki,

You said you’d be watching me; watching me. If that’s true, I suppose you can read this now.   
Do you remember the time I took you ice-skating? It was our second date. The first one was to the zoo. I laughed so hard that evening, and I know you did too. I’d give anything to see you laugh like that again; to listen to you laugh again.

But do you remember ice-skating? We went alone; you disguised us again. You gave us the same disguises as last time. Did I tell you that you’re just as gorgeous in your female form as in your male form? And you conjured us up some skates; we dressed up warm, and you teleported us up north. You never said where, but I always suspected somewhere like Greenland. We never saw anybody else; it was just the two of us on the frozen lake. I didn’t ask why; the kiss you gave me when we got there vanquished all of my questions. That’s a nice word, vanquish. You used it once, and I guess it kind of stuck with me. 

That day was the first time I ever saw your Jotun form. It wasn’t long before it started to show. You pushed a little way from me on the ice, and your skin just… went blue. It was a slow, creeping blue, reaching up your neck to your eyes last. And then those went red. And man were they stunning. They were like little rubies, standing out so brilliantly against your skin. I don’t think you knew that red was my favourite colour at that stage. I’m sure you suspected, but you probably didn’t actually know. You would look down, and glance up, and look down, and glance back up again. You looked so ashamed of what you were, and I didn’t know why.

I don’t know what my expression was, but it felt idiotic. Because damn, you were gorgeous. I think my jaw was on the floor, my eyes were falling out of their sockets, and I might have been drooling. I wasn’t, was I? Because that would have been incredibly unattractive. Like, majorly so.

Anyway, the point is that you were hot. Metaphorically, of course. And when I reached out to touch you, you flinched away. And I reached out and grabbed your hand and told you that you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever laid eyes on. The look you gave me was so full of pain and hope; I think it damn near broke my heart. What kind of family did you come from, I wondered, that you would feel like this over what you really were? I wanted to do anything I could to take that pain away.

I kissed you, Loki, and it was amazing. Your mouth was cold, and it was brilliant. Your skin started going back to pink at my contact, and I asked you to keep it blue. So you did, for that whole day in the icy landscape.

Do you remember that, Loki? And that was only our second date. Sure, we had our fights. But the make up sex was always worth it. Wouldn’t you agree?

Well, I’ve almost reached the end of the page. So I’ll lay it out for you to read it, if you can. 

Tony

 

There were tear marks staining the page, but Tony barely noticed as he gently tore the page from the pad. He reached out and gently placed it on the top left hand corner of the table in front of him. 

He sat back slowly, almost afraid that his movements would dislodge the paper from its position. He marvelled at the sheet, the way the iridescent ink caught the light, his scrawl looking beautiful in the colour. 

The writing had sharpened his focus a bit, or perhaps it was just because the letter suddenly meant a lot to him, but his eyes widened as he noticed a masculine hand reach out to pick up the piece of paper.

“No.” The harsh word fell from his mouth, his voice hoarse, and the hand stopped in its tracks. Tony followed it up to meet the astonished gaze of… one of his teammates. He couldn’t place him, but he knew him. Tony’s eyes narrowed to a glare, until the man began to withdraw his hand.   
“Don’t touch it.”

With that, Tony picked up the pad and pen again, his attention once more devoted to the task of writing, not noticing the other people in the room gathering around the top left hand corner of the table, craning their necks to read, making sure they didn’t block his view of the paper.

 

Dear Loki,

I know I just finished a letter to you, but now that you’re not here, I can’t help but want to talk to you again. I miss our verbal sparring, our talks, and even our silences. I miss our arguments, too.

Aw, but here I am going all sappy on you. You never were one for the sappy talks. You remember that time you got really drunk? You’d had a bad day. We’d fought you that day, in fact. And you arrived here already drunk. I was shocked as anything, but I couldn’t say anything that wasn’t hypocritical. And you were almost crying. 

I held you that night. I didn’t comment when my shirt started getting wet. You mumbled something about it into my shirt; why you were upset. But at that point of drunkenness, you were largely incoherent. 

And I just wanted to comfort you, make you feel better. It was sometime after I’d seen your Jotun form. I hadn’t seen it since. When we had parted that day, you had seemed insecure in my acceptance of your form.

I probably took advantage of your hangover the next day, asking you if I could see it again. I think you largely showed me to shut me up. I doubt you expected me to jump your bones.

The Jotun sex was phenomenal. Did I tell you that? I think I might have. You didn’t doubt my acceptance of it from then on in. And you still had a raging hangover.

Steve came by later. You had just left. I don’t think I ever told you this. He asked me why I’d hung back. In the fight, I mean.

I told him that they’d looked like they had it covered. You know what I did while you were focussing on… whatever you were doing? What were you doing anyway? What did you do when those fights started? Just stroll down the street? Because it would be exceptionally unfair if you were attacked and you weren’t even doing anything. 

Anyway, during that particular fight, I saved a kitten. It was drowning, Loki. In the pond at Central Park. And I don’t even like cats. But this one… he was the tiniest creature I had ever laid eyes on. He had deep black fur, and the most startlingly green eye. He reminded me so much of you. But I couldn’t keep him. I gave him to some small kid, probably astonished at the fact that Iron Man was giving him something. And I told his mother to take care of the kitten. She just nodded.

I didn’t tell Steve about the kitten. He stayed for dinner. He was shocked that I cooked for him. He said that I never cooked.

But I cooked for you. And then I cooked for Steve, but it wasn’t the same. He wasn’t YOU. No one could ever be you.

You liked my cooking. You appreciated it so much. You knew that my cooking actually meant something.

Thank you

Tony

 

Tony reached forward, and carefully placed the letter next to the first. He sat back and stared at the two glistening sheets of paper, thoughts and memories writhing in his mind like sinuous vines, choking his brain and overwhelming his senses. The tears welled up again, and he felt his heart break a little bit more. 

But that didn’t stop him from picking up the pen and pad, stretching his cramped hand briefly, and continuing writing.

 

Loki,

Can you read what I’m writing? Can you see the words I want you to see? And, Loki, if you can, is there some way of letting me know?

Can you tell me that you’re here, watching me, looking over me, just like you promised that you would? Because even though I believe that you’re going to be there, I have no way of knowing whether you are or not. Can you see me Loki? Can you hear me?

Can you feel my heart breaking in your absence? Can you feel the hole you left behind?

Loki, do you miss me? Did you really mean what you said?

Because I miss

 

Tony’s hand was shaking to badly to be able to continue writing. He clenched his eyes shut as tears leaked out. He tore off the piece of paper, and blindly placed it on the coffee table. 

His shoulders vibrated as he sobbed, mournful keening sounds bubbling up through his lips. His cries were uncontrollable as he curled up over himself, his hands covering his face as grief overtook him once more.

No one noticed the subtle shift of the paper as it slowly, painstakingly, made its way to rest by the others, nestling neatly where Tony would have put it, had he finished it. No one noticed the soft shadow, almost invisible, hunched over in the corner.

They only noticed Tony, as his shaking hands scribbled on a clean sheet of paper, his words almost illegible.

 

Loki,

I fell in love with you.

I love you.

Yours forever, and no matter how cliché, you are my everything,

Tony

 

They watched as he, with tremulous hands, carefully placed it next to the previous letter, but didn’t notice the way his eyes widened, and his breath hitched.

They saw the increased flow of tears, and the faltered breathing. They watched as he, once again curled into himself, unsure whether to comfort him through gestures and sounds. Unsure whether to say anything at all.

No one but Tony saw the tall, soft shadow bend to read the letter, or the way it folded over itself, long, dark streaks running down what could, if he concentrated, conceivably be a face. 

They noticed was the way his sobs increased as he stretched his hand to the other side of the table, tensing his hand as if holding on to something. But none noticed the way it fell into a darker area, or the way the shadow held onto his hand, squeezing with a force equal to Tony’s own.

No one noticed the shadow, but no one missed it when Tony’s exhausted tears finally gave way to sleep.


End file.
